The Ruins (3/10)

 

    So "The Ruins" is a 2008 American horror movie about some folks who are on a fun trip to Mexico and they decide it would be fun to see an ancient temple that's a super cool secret, way off the beaten path. It's difficult for me to empathize with this premise because there's no way I would go near an ancient temple in the middle of the Meso-American wilderness without WAYYY more prep, if at all. Maybe I've seen too many horror movies. XD But still, it's very disrespectful to those historical sites to go walking up to them and start climbing, like people getting too close to the Pyramids. I just - wouldn't do that, so it seems to be a rather inconsiderate group of main characters to begin with.

    Even if I could humor them enough to want to just SEE such a cool place, that's one thing, but they literally cross a MASSIVE MOAT OF SALTED EARTH and walk right up to the damn thing. They are immediately blocked in by a small group of Mayan locals who are shouting and pointing weapons at the main characters and won't let them take a step back towards the way that they had approached, away from the temple. When one of the tourists tries to approach and reason with the frightened, tense people, they immediately shoot him and kill him. 

    

    So as you can imagine, the rest of the main characters haul ass up the temple steps to get away from any more damage from the guns and bows and arrows waiting for them below. It turns out the temple is crawling with these carnivorous plants that can move their vines freely and quickly, like what would normally take a long timelapse to depict in any normal plant's growth. These plants are hungry and more than pleased to pick off the main characters who have gotten too close to its domicile and are now prevented from leaving by the angry locals at the temple's base. 

    Now, this movie is not like... a bad film or anything. The filming and acting are good - I love Jenna Malone in particular - and the musical score and location took obvious care and effort to achieve so that's good too. It just - I guess my main gripe with this film is that it seems unrealistic in ways that makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief. I'm all for carnivorous plants that can grab and devour people but even with this unusual premise, the movie manages to go "too far" for me in a couple regards. 

    The plants can do more than move and grab people - they have flowers that can make noise. I don't believe there is any plant in the world that can mimic sounds through resonating petals. I know the fact that the plants can move means that resonating through fast movement is far from unreasonable, but... Well the plants can mimic the ringing of a cellphone - AND they also seem able to talk and laugh?? The phone ring is one thing, because it literally is a RINGING that could feasibly be created by ANOTHER high frequency ringing material. But the voices were just too much. That needs air, lips, whole ass vocalizations that I can't see being possible for jittering flowers.

    

    The main characters get tricked by the mimicry. They descend into the depths of the temple from above via lowering with a rope in the effort to retrieve the "phone" and call for help and the rope snaps or something, dropping one of the men straight down and breaking both of his legs. They manage to get him out and two of the women try again to retrieve the "phone," finally realizing it is a trick by the vines and receiving their own cuts and slashes for their stupidity.

    Whenever they try to burn the plants, the vines somehow just - smother the torches. 

    One by one they all succumb to wounds and desperate paranoia until there is only two of the main cast left. They cover Jena Malone in the blood of their friend in order to make her seem dead and the guy distracts the Mayans so that she has a chance to run as fast as she can into the jungle and escape. The guy is, of course, killed by the Mayans for safety's sake. The Mayans even killed one of their own when the boy got too close to some of the vines that were on the ground in the salted moat, so you know they are serious about keeping the vines contained, and with good reason. 

    But yeah, I don't know what this says about me as a person but my second main beef with this film is that these characters ... have a Will to Live that seems downright ridiculous to me. XD Remember the guy who broke his legs?? The gang ends up SAWING HIS LEGS OFF without anesthesia to try and prevent them from getting infected. This man is a paralyzed amputee and STILL wants to continue to live. 

    The one girl, Amy, slices her body all over to try and DIG OUT the tiny strands of vines beneath her skin because she wants to live THAT BADLY. These people just endure SOOO much pain and suffering and it's just - something I can't relate to. 

    The Mayans had bows and arrows as well as guns. Once I realized what was happening with the vines, I would've gone down those steps and pointed at my forehead and been like "End it." XD I'd take a couple arrows too, if it meant I didn't have to get both my legs sawed off and then die anyway while my friends were arguing and didn't realize the vines were CHOKING ME TO DEATH on the ground.

    I would've given up SO much sooner than these silly kids. They fought SO HARD and I just - can't relate. Hahaha

    I'm giving the movie points for the acting performances and realistic gore but the way the characters handle the circumstances is just really unrealistic to me, even in a film with creepy carnivorous plants.

    3/10

    Thanks for reading

    More reviews to come